Being single became comfortable to me. Although it sounds crazy, I think it’s a normal for a lot of women today. Yea, you go out with a few guys and holler at a few more, and you may even hook up with a few for awhile. But, on average you end up by yourself. By yourself eventually isn’t that bad of a destination. You decorate your house the way you want it, you buy the food you like to eat and you enjoy a lifestyle that pleases your every fancy. I can admit I got quite comfortable with no one to answer to but myself. I’m an easy boss and there’s no one in the world I understand more than … me.
I wasn’t prepared in the least.
So, when this culmination of everything I’d asked God for walked into my life, I wasn’t ready for challenge, struggle and a lot of unwarranted hard work. I was totally and completely unprepared. Hashtagging relationship goals on Instagram with pictures of President Obama and Michelle has nothing to do with the work it takes to sustain an actual living and breathing relationship. I wasn’t prepared in the least.
Being single, I’d forgotten that being a part of a couple consists of a whole other person chiming in on everything from what you eat at dinner, to how you clean the house and even how frequently you have sex. When I’d prayed for this amazing specimen that fulfilled all the check points on my list I never realized that after the blissful euphoria of dating wears off, connecting and growing a bond with this person would push me to my limits. Not only was maintaining the communication hard, but learning to trust someone to stay faithful in a culture full of hoes, is no easy feat in itself. Today’s headlines are filled with woebegone stories of blatant infidelity, how is a girl in love supposed to keep her head straight when all around her relationships are dropping like flies from infidelity in its most disrespectful state?
Take Things Day By Day
I learned a few years back that any time a problem looks overwhelming the key is to break it down (i.e. eat an elephant one bite at a time). Applying that to my relationship, I decided to take things day by day. As long as I’m giving the best Christal I have for the day, that’s all I can do, in my opinion it’s all I’m required to do. Every day I attempt to understand his perspective a little bit more. Every day I try to listen to his heart a little bit more and every day I try to pick up my hair products from infringing on his side of the bathroom among other things.
Give It Your All
This second time around, I’m realizing that no matter what happens in a relationship, you owe it to yourself to give it your all. Relationships have a funny way of stretching us as we try to learn and navigate living as a part of someone else’s world, but in the end they usually tell us more about ourselves and our personal growth than anything else.
I’m not sure if this relationship will be my happily ever after, but I do know that it’s going to take a lot more work than the pictures I put on my vision board over the last few years. It’s obvious if I want to accomplish what I dreamed about, I’ve got to roll up my sleeves and in the words of Iyanla Vanzant, “do your work!“.
What have you learned since being in a relationship? I’d love to hear your stories!
Smooches,
C