Marriage can be tough, but once you add careers, kids and other responsibilities, the relationship’s romance usually gets put on the back burner. Fortunately, Ronnie and Lamar Tyler, relationship experts and blogging duo of the hit website BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com, give us advice on how to get that fire burning. So how does a couple prevent their romance from suffering when it seems there are so many responsibilities pulling at them from all directions? The answer is…you have to stop trying to make time for romance and make it a part of your everyday lives. Here are a few of our best tips:
If you want to keep romance alive in your marriage, then you have to be purposeful about it. This means taking actions every day, no matter how big or small, to ensure that you and your spouse stay connected with each other. Do this by talking to each other, touching each other and checking in with each other throughout the day by phone or even text.
MAKE EVERY DATE COUNT
We’ve all heard the advice that couples should continue to date each other. But we’re going to add to that advice and tell you to make sure that you are going on dates that foster a connection and communication. For instance, going to the movies is okay…some of the time. But how much talking is really happening when the theater lights dim? On your next date, try doing something that requires strolling, holding hands and talking. This could be a picnic at a park, a summer or fall festival or even dinner at a restaurant that lasts longer than 45 minutes. And make it a point to ignore those cell phones and social media.
Unlike PDA (public displays of affection), kid-friendly displays of affection (KDA) occur in your own home but in front of the kids. KDA basically means that you shouldn’t stop loving on each other because the kids are around. After all, the kids need to know and see that Mommy and Daddy love each other, and what better why to do it than by being affectionate with each other in front of them?
BE A TEAM
There is nothing that strengthens the marital bond more than two people working together to raise the kids, take care of the home and achieve common goals. Conversely, one of the quickest ways you can kill the romance (and shun your spouse) is to leave your partner shouldering the majority of the responsibilities of taking care of the kids, the household, the finances and the relationship.
EXPAND YOUR DEFINITION OF ROMANCE
After you are married for some time with kids, your definition of what’s romantic and sexy will expand. Sure, flowers, love letters and gifts are romantic. But ladies, how sexy is coming home to a clean house and a spouse that has cooked dinner and helped with homework? And fellas, how sexy is it to see your spouse preparing your favorite meal or showing interest in your favorite hobby? A surefire way to increase the romance in your relationship is to look for opportunities every day to express your love by being of service to your spouse. Don’t forget that after the kids have grown up and moved out, you’ll still be there with your spouse. Keeping a strong marital bond, independent of the kids, careers and family life that you’ve built, will be paramount in moving into the next phase of your marriage and your life. The tips above will help you make sure the fire you initially built maintains a steady flame.
WORDS: Ronnie and Lamar Tyler
Ronnie and Lamar Tyler are the husband-and-wife owners of the award-winning
BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. With more than 6 million readers and a half a million
social media followers, the website is touted as the largest independent African American
marriage and parenting blog and resource site on the Web.