It’s easy to pigeonhole swinging as a hobby for sex-crazed nymphomaniacs, but sex among the swing set is far from indiscriminate. Participants are highly particular about what they do and with whom they play. Of course, attractiveness is high on the list, but it’s the sexual chemistry that takes precedence. “We look for people who we can really blend with,” says Exquisite. “Fun, outgoing, sexy, sexual couples.” And their preferences run the gamut. Dreads is into bondage, S&M and rough play, while Exquisite’s cup of tea depends on her mood—she may opt out of sex with a man all together. Exquisite swings both ways and identifies as bisexual. “I didn’t choose this lifestyle,” she explains, “it seemed to be a natural progression and expression of my sexuality.”
And, of course, there’s always the million-dollar question: Do you ever get jealous when you see your wife being pleasured by another man? “It’s a turn-on,” says Dreads, without skipping a beat.
“I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others.”
Exquisite is more guarded and a lot less eager than her husband to talk about their sexual exploits. She prefers to keep her life—both in and out the bedroom—private. “I won’t go through the facets of my life; there are many and they are varied,” she bristles. “It is important to maintain some anonymity as it relates to the persona that you need to portray in the professional world versus the comfort and security you need in your private life.” (In case you didn’t notice, she’s a lawyer.) But she pipes up when talk turns to bad swinging experiences.
There was that one couple who showed up at their house pissy drunk. (Dreads and Exquisite don’t drink when they swing. “It messes with your performance.”) And she says it can be awkward bumping into folks they’ve swung with in a social setting. “I once went to a swinger party and my boss was there,” recalls Exquisite. “It was uncomfortable. However, if you go to a well-screened party, everybody at that party is a swinger and will protect your secret.” And then there are the countless men they meet who drag their wives and girlfriends kicking and screaming to swinger parties. “This is a woman-driven lifestyle,” she says. “If the woman isn’t the one leading the charge, it rarely works out.” Exquisite also enjoys outlining the hard-and-fast rules she has set in place. “We always use condoms and we don’t develop emotional attachments,” she spells out. “These are one-time trade-offs. You play, you enjoy, you wash up, you go home. It becomes complicated when we meet people who want to date us…” Also off limits at FullMoon Seductions: conversations about politics and religion. In fact, most swing clubs advise against discussing either subject. “Being black, most of our members are Christians. I can’t tell you how many people we’ve heard tell us they are going to church in the morning after a swinger party. One lady would play until 7 a.m. and get ready for church at our hotel room,” recalls Exquisite. Although the couple is tightlipped about their own spiritual convictions, they insist “our religious beliefs support swinging.”
As the lifestyle continues to grow and evolve, Dreads hopes more black swingers will do their due diligence. “There are a lot of after-hours clubs popping up that throw some beds down and invite the public,” he says. “If you think these places are too easy to find, it’s because they are. There are secret, private, much safer clubs if you dig deep enough.”
Whether or not you subscribe to the notion that recreational sex actually helps enhance a couple’s emotional relationship is beside the point as far as sex educators and counselors are concerned—they’re just thrilled to know that their community is stepping outside of the box to explore their sexual freedoms. “I’m excited that we as a race are starting to become more dynamic in our sexual thinking and are finding more ways to express our sexual selves,” says Natalie A. N. Elliott, an Atlanta-based sex and relationship therapist. Adds Dr. Tiffanie: “I encourage more African-Americans to take ownership of their sexuality. We should not feel guilty about exploring our bodies and finding out what truly makes us orgasmic.”
Words: Shydel James
Additional reporting by Joshua A. Washington
Did you miss PART I: SECRET LOVERS – A CANDID VIEW OF SWINGING MARRIED COUPLES?
Take a look back at our reveal, here.